24 things i learned in 2018

its been three incredible, growth-filled years since i started blogging.

three years. i know it may not seem like much but the amount of messages (deep, heartfelt messages) i’ve gotten thanking me for being able to explain how they feel- is just amazing to me. i started this for myself. because there were words i needed to say to people or situations that didn’t want to hear it- but i needed to tell somebody. anybody.

and thats how this started. and oh, how much i’ve grown. i don’t even recognize the girl who wrote the first “24 things i learned in 2016” post. its not me anymore. its much better. and looking back and reading those words i can accept what i felt gracefully and look back with only a thankful heart because apart from all the coming-of-age, heartbreak, 20 year old stuff, they helped me. the words helped me. the messages helped me. i remember one specific blog post i wrote last year about letting go, a friend of mine who doesn’t live here sent me the sweetest message. i remember she said she felt like she couldn’t find the words for what she felt for so long but she finally found them in my words. and i thought, me? what i wrote? my experiences actually helped someone?

yes. yes they did. and that in turn helped me heal in tremendous ways. from not knowing who in the world i was and feeling like i was not in my body at times, like it was not me. up until a few months ago i felt myself healing, finally growing, finally seeing what was so evidently coming next. how Jehovah was going to help me as long as i trusted in Him fully. and now i see it so clearly. i see exactly what i want. i see exactly where i want to be a year from now when i used to not even know what was coming tomorrow. from barely surviving to actually fully living.

so i want to thank every single person who read these posts over the past three years. who reached out and told me how much they helped and how much they relate. i truly love all of you guys. i’ve made friendships out of this blog. wonderful ones to say the least. i’ve become so vulnerable and talked about things that not everyone has the nerve to say, or accept. and i used to be scared but now i get questions and more questions and im so excited for life. i have never been this excited for life. like ever. and i used to think i couldn’t feel this way. obviously everyone has the bad days but i feel myself again. at least im myself and not in my head 24/7- or trying to get out of it, honestly.

growth is what it feels like to lose former versions of ourselves. its the shedding of the skin and the journey to becoming who we truly are. we have to unlearn and grow through who we thought we had to be, so we can just be. – mark groves

thats right- we have to unlearn. bet you’ve never heard that before. everyone says we have to learn and learn and learn and keep going to sometimes the point of exhaustion so that we can turn into this superhuman version of ourselves but sometimes we have to unlearn things. we have to unlearn toxic thinking patterns, toxic coping mechanisms, toxic habits. we have to unlearn our past selves so that we don’t fall back into harmful behavior. so we don’t fall back to running to the same old habits, the same toxic people, the same toxic situations just because thats all we know.

learn to unlearn. learn to let go. learn to let yourself be this new, great version. we can be as good or as bad as we really want to be.

i really dislike resolutions people give themselves in the new year because really we can change whenever but if thats what it takes for you- do it. we all have goals and things to work on. its only human.

now onto the list:

1. learn how to do taxes and adult stuff- it honestly is important
2. keep a clean environment- it helps your thinking space, your creative space, your mental space and pretty much everything else. messy life, messy mind.
3. don’t tell people your business. i see a lot of people around me hype themselves up over things they haven’t fully planned out and then they don’t work out and they’re embarrassed. happens to the best of us.
4. go out as much as you can (or can tolerate). this one has helped me a lot. i’m not a sociable person but usually i end up feeling better if i just go. i’ve met some incredible people along the way too.
5. self-care is no joke. i know its hard but like really taking a bath once a week is gonna help or whatever you wanna do to take care of yourself really.
6. try to shift yourself into a more positive mindset. less “poor me” and more “yay me”.
7. go to all the good concerts. you could like really miss the chance of ever seeing them again
8. have a creative outlet or a creative goal in mind. i’d probably go insane if i didn’t have some kind of creative hobby.
9. quit anything that makes you feel like you want to die or just cry all the time. and i mean this in the most serious way possible- whatever it is just quit it because something better will come along.
10. don’t suffer alone. i feel like the older we get- the more we tend to think we can’t talk about certain things or issues but there is always, always someone who cares enough about you.
11. fewer people is always such a better time. than having a million friends whom you have nothing in common with.
12. i feel like i wrote this on my first 24 things post but stop saying sorry so much. so many people this year have made me feel like i have to apologize for things they’ve done. or things i simply didn’t even do. so i say this to myself again- stop saying sorry so much. but also- say sorry when there is a reason and when you really messed up. even if you didn’t even notice that you did something to offend them. its good to just clear the air.
13. you don’t need to do everything for everyone. (even friends or family) i know thats just who some of us are, but at one point they need to do things for themselves. sometimes people get comfortable with everything you do that they just rely and rely and rely and keep asking. focus on mutual understanding, respect, and mutual relationships in life.
14. this ones gonna be random but define your style. i’ve worked for that in the past few months and it helps soo much with confidence and just feeling good in general.
15. help anyone who needs it. like anyone. drop what you’re doing and just listen because sometimes thats all they need.
16. just keep traveling a lot. try to squeeze in some alone trips because you honestly learn SO much about yourself.
17. sometimes you change and someone else changes and things just change but thats part of being an adult and its part of having different goals and sometimes people just don’t fit anymore. and its okay. you eventually find your people and your way.
18. don’t confuse loneliness for missing them. sometimes we just miss being in a relationship and not the person really.
19. also you don’t need to be married by 20 contrary to popular belief. don’t let people set you up, tell you you’re picky or that you should marry or date so and so’s son. it doesn’t work that way. arranged marriages are not what we want in 2019 lol. but really- just don’t pay any mind to it.
20. honestly if you know you have anxiety, if you know you have depression or something along the lines- please please please get some help before it gets out of hand. it won’t just go away. even if its a natural doctor if you’re against meds. its the best thing you can do for you. in a year you could be in a much better, much more beautiful place.
21. really think about and solidify your goals. make a plan, make a list. write down exactly what you need to do in order to get where you need to. remember why you started. whatever you thought of- remember the why. its your driving force.
22. no, you actually don’t need a boyfriend. you just need to be happy.
23. sometimes people don’t love you the way you need to be loved. and its okay. you don’t have to be the only one communicating or confronting. relationships with others should honestly just be mutual. not equal, but mutual. because sometimes you need to pick up the other person and thats okay. my longest standing friendships are the ones i’ve never even had an argument with because there’s always communication that in the end, there’s not even room for issues to come up.
24. love yourself, love the people who love you. love the people who don’t love you. love the people you used to love but things happened. honestly my biggest goal in life is to just love everyone. no matter if things happened between us that can no longer be fixed. you still have a place in my heart, i’ll still pick up the phone if you call. that kind of love. the good kind of love.

thank you guys for reading. i hope you all continue to be positive and work through whatevers coming next because this life isn’t getting any easier. i hope you love people and i hope they love you.

and i hope with all my heart that everyone finds what they’re supposed to, and everyone finds their way because i well know what its like to be lost.

with so much love, as always. – vi